7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Bookmark this page

Delicious Digg Diigo Facebook Google Bookmarks Stumbleupon Twitter

 Do you find yourself working long hours and your spouse doesn’t feel you are there for her?  Conversely, is she spending all of her time and energy meeting the children’s needs and there’s nothing left for you?  If this is the case, there is only one question to consider: Can this relationship be saved?  Here’s 7 steps on how to save a relationship that will answer that question with clarity and honesty.

1 - Certainly, before trying to save a relationship, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  Without a doubt, nearly every relationship can be saved, but both parties must decide that they want to make it work and be willing to pull together. On the other hand, if one partner isn’t willing to do this and the other is doing all the work, there may be no hope of reconciliation.

2 – The main reason people stay in a relationship is because it is either convenient or because of the children.  Neither of these “reasons” are enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving and to do the necessary work to accomplish it.

3 – To even have a chance of saving a relationship, you will need to pinpoint the problem areas in the relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people tend to treat the symptoms instead of the causes.

4 - Many people think an affair is the problem that caused the break up.  Truth is, the affair was only a symptom of a deeper problem.  Almost without exception, a lack of true intimacy between couples can lead to an affair. 

5 - Do not deal with a lack of intimacy through the use of guilt.  This is not a solution; rather it could well lead to another problem (for instance pornography) because you weren’t willing to address the cause and make the change necessary to solve the problem.  When you begin to address the cause rather than the symptoms, you can save the relationship. 

6 - Once you have identified the core problems, begin the task of sharing your thoughts.  This involves not only sharing your own feelings but listening to your partner’s concerns as well.  Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems and maintain eye contact.  You will be giving a signal that you are sincere in resolving the issue, even if you are hurting inside.  To get on the road to reconciliation, you need to remember two things: you are both hurting and you need to resist wanting to hurt each other! 

7- Once you have recognized the difference between the symptoms and the causes, you need to create an action plan to resolve the issue.  Begin to take sincere steps with your action plan.  For example, maybe you don’t spend time together like you used to, so plan a date night once a week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend your date night together.  Each of you has something you would like to do so share those desires and then act on them.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to each another.  This doesn’t have to be long or drawn out conversations; just purpose to communicate.

You should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  There will be times that you are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There will be both laughter and tears, but going forward is your goal, right?  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article the 7 steps on how to save a relationship.  The rest is up to you.  For more ideas and help in restoring your relationship and rekindling that romance you once knew, check out The Magic of Making Up System.