Emotional Stages Of A Relationship Breakup

Many people don't often equate a relationship with a death, but the two are similar in many ways. The common denominator is in the processes it takes to get through them. There are distinct emotional stages of a relationship breakup and those stages don't always happen in the same order. You can often move on to the next stage and, the next day, find yourself back at the previous stage. It can result in a tumultuous experience. Knowing not only what the stages are but that it is a normal part of “going through it” can help you deal with it much better.

Let’s look at the five most common emotional stages we go through:

1. Pain.  When you are faced with the prospect that this person you've shared so much of your life with doesn't want you anymore, it can cause unbelievable pain. Be encouraged; even though this pain will ebb and flow during the whole breakup process, it will pass with time. Some days will be worse than others. It will feel like the pain will never go away. It's important to remember that this is completely normal, but you will get through it and the pain will lessen with the passage of time. It is a true saying that time heals all wounds.

2. Denial. No one can really believe that someone they've shared so much of their life with really doesn't want them anymore. It's difficult to grasp the idea that this person could walk away from such a level of commitment. You convince yourself that they are just 'going through a stage' and that they'll 'come to their senses'. The truth is they may or they may not. You will have to prepare yourself for the fact that it could be over. You really don't know how long they've been contemplating ending the relationship. In reality, they may have already worked through their stages of the breakup process before they even said a word to you about breaking up. That can come as quite a shock. Now you suddenly have to deal with denial. You could find yourself saying “this can’t be happening”. It is important that you realize this emotion is normal.

3. Anger. After you've gotten over the initial shock and you realize this is really going to happen, you could get mad...really mad. You might say things like: 'How dare they treat me like this!?', 'After everything I've done for them' or 'They will never find anyone as good as me.' These are common thoughts when going through this stage. You're mad at them (as well as yourself). In addition, if there was someone else involved in the breakup, you're most likely going to be mad at them as well. Take heart though: this anger can be a way to help you get the closure you need so that you can move on. Just be sure to use this stage as being constructive and not destructive. Let me explain:

In some ways this can be the most dangerous stage of all. This is the stage where people will do, or say, stupid things. This is the stage where you have to be very careful to not let your anger overrule your better judgment. You also have to guard against your anger turning into bitterness. If you get bitter you will have an even harder time finding happiness again. The old saying “you can either get bitter or get better” aptly applies here.

4. Grief. You will grieve for the loss of the love and companionship you once shared with your ex. This is the same as the grief you would have if someone close to you has died. Again, this is a totally normal stage in the breakup process. The main difference here is: in death, it is final. In divorce, the ex is still out there somewhere.

5. Acceptance. This is the healing stage. You will begin to move on. You are finally to the point where you believe you can be happy again. You realize that no matter what happened in the breakup, you begin to discover you are once again capable of giving and receiving love. Allow that revelation to sweep over you completely and then “get on with your life”.

The emotional stages of a relationship breakup are inevitable. We all go through them. There is no set time limit or order when going through these five stages listed above. Just remember, all of these feelings are completely normal. Going through these stages will actually help you cleanse yourself of your emotional baggage so you can find love again; and love is worth finding!

If you think that your relationship can be turned around or even if you think it might be too late check out "The Magic of Making Up".  It is a fantastic system that has saved thousands of relationships worldwide!

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