Dealing With A Breakup Isn't Easy: 
Treat it as a Learning Experience and Then Move On

No matter what your age or gender, dealing with a breakup isn't easy, in fact, it can be downright painful. Teens who break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend can feel terribly hurt, even if the relationship was a relatively short one. Adults, on the other hand, are usually better equipped to deal with a breakup because they have the advantage of experience. Either way, dealing with a breakup can seem like the end of the world.

If you're the one who initiated the breakup, you may feel an enormous sense of guilt for having hurt the other person. On the other hand, if you're the one being 'dumped', you may have intense feelings of inadequacy, anger or, in some cases, a desire for revenge. These emotions span all age groups.

Young boyfriends and girlfriends who have experienced a break up, no matter how short the relationship has been, may feel anger within themselves that can manifest in the form of self chastisement. They find themselves asking things like “How could I have been so stupid as to not see him/her for what he/she was in the first place?”

Married couples who break up generally have a little more baggage to deal with, due to the length of the commitment that comes with marriage. Married couples with children often have the most difficulty in dealing with a breakup. Not only do you need to reconcile your own feelings, but also be sensitive to your children’s feelings about the situation. This can often require you putting your own feelings on the back burner for the sake of the children.

Often, most people who find themselves ending a relationship have at least one or two supportive friends who will lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Although this may be true, you should try to avoid overindulging yourself. Reason being your friends are naturally 'on your side', and this can soon turn into a self-pitying fest that does nothing for the situation at hand. You also need to be on guard regarding the “on the rebound” scenario. This is no time to “have a fling”.

It's OK to indulge yourself for a little while, but don't get obsessive with the self pity or wallow in endless discussions of what a rotten person he or she really was. After all, you did have some things in common at some point in time and shared some good times together.

One helpful thing to consider in dealing with a breakup is to ask yourself, near the end of the relationship, were you really all that happy? If the answer is no, you need to accept that people change sometimes. Their journey through life may take them on a path that you're no longer willing or able to follow.

People who marry young are often lacking in maturity and life experience. The couple who, in their early 20s, both wanted nothing more than to be with one another, may change their focus in their 30s or even 40s. As such, they may discover that they no longer share things in common. While it's sad to find yourself in such a position, it may not be healthy for either of you to continue in a relationship when you're no longer happy. Knowing when it's time to move on can be the most trying emotion to work through when dealing with a breakup.

Understand that all of these feelings are normal emotions and reactions. You may find that a good self help book on relationships can help you work through some of the pain, and begin to gain a better understanding of how you got where you are. Another good strategy in dealing with a breakup is to find a relationship forum online. There you'll surely find many of your own feelings echoed by other forum members. Again, try to avoid the self-pity game, as this is only counterproductive to your objectives to start feeling good again about yourself and then be able to move on with your life.

Get out and do things that make you feel good. Visit friends or make new friends. Get involved with helping other people. You'll be surprised at how much better you will feel. Dealing with a breakup isn't easy, but it is certainly not the end of the world.

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